did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
