Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize