it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
