Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
two words...techno handjob
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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