She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
