You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
