on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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