I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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