Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
