You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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