Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
