Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
