I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
