She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
