I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
