Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
this will be a night to untag.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize