dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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