Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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