Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I am one with the molecules
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
