so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
