there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
