He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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