remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
