I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
