OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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