so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
