i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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