Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
