im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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