I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Randomize
