I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
