There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
