I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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