just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
