I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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