i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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