I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
