I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize