This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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