Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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