Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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