He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
