I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
