i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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