My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
