remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
