just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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