Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize