It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I will pee on everything he values.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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