i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
