Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
