shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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