her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
