How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm both gender and math confused
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
