batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
