Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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