I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
