its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
