I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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