i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize