'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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