my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
