Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
