the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
