I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
