I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
