"it" just moved
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
