I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
