Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
