dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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