Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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