My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
