literally had 100 drinks last night.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
This toilet bowl is my home.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
