I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
my poor anus
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
