I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
