I'm pants shitting drunk right now
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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