I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
