don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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