i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize