Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
