11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Fuck appropriateness.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
