he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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