I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My ass is underappreciated
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
