pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
