Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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