he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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