i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
