that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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