This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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