so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
