I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
